On being a parent : on being a child

…twelve interesting quotations

We were all children once.  How we were brought up has affected, irretrievably, how we are now.

Child development is not, contrary to popular belief, a matter of nurture and environment;  nor is it a matter of nature and inheritance.  It is a product of a third thing:  the interplay of, and feedback between, nature and nurture.  Woven into that complex are the relationships between other people the child comes into contact with.

Theodore Hesburgh’s quotation hit me between the eyes when I first encountered it.  It offers a prescription against Philip Larkin’s typically dour (if only too true) point of view.  They may not mean to…  Not meaning to need not be the case:  it is not necessary any more to visit “the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation” (Exodus 34:7)

I notice that I am drawn to those writers with an abhorrence of stifling, in one way or another, the natural potential and sparkle of children.  Allan Bloom, Derren Brown, Clarence Darrow, Erik Erikson, Philip Larkin, Maurice Sendak and BF Skinner each recognise a crucial aspect of human potential in danger of being corrupted or suffocated.

It would be foolish to overlook the parallels that can be drawn between parenting and leading (or not leading) at work and these last seven quotations mentioned all contain something of value to the enlightened manager.

Fathers and mothers have lost the idea that the highest aspiration they might have for their children is for them to be wise… specialized competence and success are all that they can imagine.

Allan Bloom . 1930-1992 . American philosopher, essayist and academic . The closing of the American mind

The single most valuable human trait, the one quality every schoolchild and adult should be taught to nurture, is, quite simply, kindness.

Derren Brown . 1971- . English illusionist and sceptic . Confessions of a conjuror

Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt.

Clarence Darrow . 1857-1938 . American lawyer and libertarian

Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child’s spirit.

Erik Erikson . 1902-1994 . Danish-German developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst . Young man Luther

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Theodore Hesburgh . 1917-2015 . American priest . quoted in Reader’s digest

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

Philip Larkin . 1922-1985 . English poet . This be the verse

It should be noted that children at play are not playing about; their games should be seen as their most serious-minded activity.

Michel de Montaigne . 1533-1592 . French philosopher and inventor of the essay form . Essays, book 1

We’ve educated children to think that spontaneity is inappropriate.  Children are willing to expose themselves to experiences.  We aren’t.  Grownups always say they protect their children, but they’re really protecting themselves.  Besides, you can’t protect children.  They know everything.

Maurice Sendak . 1928-2012 . American writer and illustrator of children’s literature . quoted in article, The New York Times

It is the teacher’s function to contrive conditions under which students learn.  Their relevance to a future usefulness need not be obvious.

BF Skinner . 1904-1990 . American behavioural psychologist and author . Reflections on behaviorism and society

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.

Thomas Szasz . 1920-2012 . Hungarian-American professor—and critic—of psychiatry . The second sin

Of children as of procreation—the pleasure momentary, the posture ridiculous, the expense damnable.

Evelyn Waugh . 1903-1966 . English satirical novelist . similar remark attributed to Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield

What does the baby see when he or she looks at the mother’s face? I am suggesting that, ordinarily, what the baby sees is himself or herself.

DW Winnicott . 1896-1971 . English paediatric psychiatrist * . Mirror-role of mother and family in child development

Related material:
>  Quotations:  On being a parent : on being a child—2
>  Quotations:  On being a parent : on being a child—3
>  * What is a ‘facilitating environment’?

selection copyright © 2014 Jeremy Marchant . uploaded 2 may 2014