» A short piece about dealing with one’s expectations

We have expectations about our experiences, and expectations of others and ourself.

In all cases, we have a (hidden) demand that we, things, life, or other people should be the way we want to them to be, not as the way they are.

So, one simple way of dealing with the disappointment that our failed expectations deliver is to follow the maxim, as best we can, “deal with the world as it is, not as how we want it to be”.

More practically, the task is to know how to deal with each individual expectation. The best way of doing this is to let go of our need that things (or people) will be the way we want them to be.

Simply: drop those expectations. People don’t like the idea of not having expectations, and they mistake it for expecting nothing will happen. It isn’t.

Expecting nothing will happen is an expectation.

I like to illustrate how you can let go of expectations: imagine you are holding a precious fragile object in my hand (that represents part of you: your expectations). If you let go of it, it will smash to the ground, breaking irretrievably into smithereens. But, imagine you are holding it palm upwards. You open your hand, and the object stays where it is. The expectation, if you like, is still there but you are no longer attached to it.

It is the attachment to the expectation—or the need—that is the problem, not the expectation itself.

What to replace the expectation with?:

1 Curiosity. Just be curious what will happen if you let go of an expectation that someone will be in a certain way and see how they respond. Or accept that circumstances turn out the way they were always going to.

2 Intention. It’s fine to intend that some event will turn out the way you want it to. Intending to hit a golf ball into a hole isn’t expecting (demanding) that it will. Intention is about personal mindset.

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A short piece about dealing with one’s expectations

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