» Personal growth

We once had a client who was exceptionally diligent in ensuring her staff got all the training they needed, and would thoroughly review with them after courses how they were going to action what they had learned. So we asked her, “who trains you?” Of course, she never spent any of the company’s money on her own development—she didn’t keep sharp.

Personal growth

Dolls

Elsie had a tempestuous childhood relationship with her sister and this troubled her well into her adult life.

«Network better»: the programme

The programme will enable attenders to hugely raise their game in business networking and referral marketing.

Attitude

Attitude is not a negative word. It’s true you can have a bad attitude towards something; but equally you can have a good attitude towards something, for example business

On loss

We suffer loss; it's how you deal with it that counts.

A short piece about being «good enough»

When I encounter resistance to this phrase (which is surprisingly often) it is usually, I feel, because people misunderstand it. It’s almost as if they think it means “not

A short piece about the «facilitating environment»

Creating a “facilitating environment” is a key component of leadership. And, as I suggest leadership is an approach, an attitude, rather than a job description, it is

Stress and work

A major issue with businesses is the extent to which stress felt by people in the business is created by the circumstances of the business and in the business. This is a

On (not) learning from history

Do we learn anything from history? Clearly the opportunities are abundant, but...

A (very) short piece about the stages of a work relationship

The five stages of a business relationship

A short piece about intention

Having previously said that I don’t recommend having expectations, it may seem perverse that I am suggesting that intentions are fine. But these really aren’t the same thing.

A short piece about (un)conscious (in)competence

A useful model of how we learn. It applies to any other skill in which there is a strong behavioural component which is also restricted in the choices of behaviour possible.

A short piece about judgement

When we judge someone we apply a label to them that is very hard for them to remove. Our judgments are often ill informed—or at least under-informed—and we naturally fill in

A short piece about the precepts and principles of leadership

Here are precepts and principles of leadership which we find are the most useful

Building rapport—2: 14 tips

Here are a few of the areas in which we can match and lead to build rapport:

Anger

We get angry—for example, if a stranger attacks my child—and it is a visceral, instinctive response. If I am still angry about the situation two hours later, or two years

Commit to growth

For a business to grow, its leaders have to be willing to grow themselves, to change and develop. This is hardly surprising. At the end of the day, businesses are the people

A short piece about what managers who are leaders do

Leaders differentiate themselves from others in four ways. It is important to see that these people are leaders not because they behave in this way: they behave in this way

A short piece about being right

Being right can be a big problem for people in charge—and indeed for people whose quality of service relies on their capacity to give good advice: accountants, financial

Setting the right intention

Accept 100% responsibility for your outcomes and accept that there’s another person in the discussion with their own set of needs, wants, desires and outcomes

A short piece about scarcity models

A scarcity model—as opposed to an abundance model—is a belief that there is not enough happiness, not enough recognition, not enough love, not enough money, not enough work,

Judgement

When we judge someone we apply a label to them that it is virtually impossible for them to remove. If we judge someone to be a poor manager then we will interpret everything

Projection

Projection is a basic psychological mechanism which human beings deploy all the time, albeit unconsciously. Projection is universal. For example, we project our values onto

A short piece about the comfort zone

It is a natural behavioural strategy to avoid situations which are stressful or have the potential to be stressful. Of course, one person’s stressor [condition which causes

On love

... thirteen quotations

A short piece about being the change you want to see in the world

Attributed to Gandhi, Be the change you want to see in the world encapsulates the idea of responsibility. If, as a leader, we see that something is needed in our business or

A short piece about fear

In 1987, Susan Jeffers published her book, Feel the fear and do it anyway. Such a good title. Indeed, such a good title that you don’t really need to read the book: it is

A short piece about dealing with difficult people

In a webpage that I will elaborate and extend any day now, I give no fewer than thirty tips for dealing with difficult people. However, the three top ones are:

A short piece about dealing with one’s expectations

We have expectations about our experiences, and expectations of others and ourself. In all cases, we have a (hidden) demand that we, things, life, or other people should be

A short piece about nature versus nurture

One still comes across, with depressing frequency, articles which ask whether nature or nurture is responsible for a human trait. The writer posits some debate or argument

A short piece about expectations

Broadly there are three categories where we have expectations... Of course, some things, like family holidays, can be a letdown for all three reasons.

A short piece about why we behave the way we do

We invariably behave in a certain way at every moment in our lives for reasons. We might believe it is the right thing to do. We might feel that acting in this way will

A short piece about your purpose

Whether it is a meeting, a conversation, a business, a job, a holiday—absolutely any human activity—it is worth asking: “What is the purpose of this meeting, conversation,

A short piece about emotional intelligence

IQ, or ‘conventional’ intelligence, is too narrow a concept with which to understand how and why people can be successful. It ignores essential personality, character,

A short piece about problems

Whenever anybody tells me they have a problem, all I know at that moment is that that is not the problem.

Stages of personal development—2 Stage 1: Dependence

The first stage of our model of personal development is dependence. Like the other stages, this stage has three steps and this article is about them. The dependence stage is

Alsatians

When I was quite small, my mother let me play out in the street when I was at home... Trouble was, in the house at the top of the road, there lived an Alsatian dog and,

Networking: just do it

Maggie was one of two directors of a small business. The directors knew that business networking was an important part of their strategy for growing the business, but only

Trust me, I’m a director

... the board wanted me to interview each member of the business... One finding was very prominent: the staff believed that the directors didn’t trust them.

Stages of personal development—1 The basics

The emotional intelligence at work model is complex. Let’s start with the basic, underlying principles.

Being good enough

When I encounter resistance to this phrase (which is surprisingly often) it is usually, I feel, because people misunderstand it. Note that the phrase “good enough” contains

How to ask open questions confidently

I was asked on LinkedIn how less sure and less experienced coaches could increase their confidence to ask the most useful questions which can often be the hardest to ask (and

“I’m becoming stressed and disillusioned”

Is your business helping or preventing you achieve personal goals? How about your staff? Why do you go to work? However much you enjoy what you do most people work in order

Thirty tips for dealing with difficult people

Attitude, make the other person more important than you, communicate, don’t judge them, don’t turn it into a fight, see every attack as a cry for help

Thirty tips for handling stress

Emotionally intelligent techniques: reactive (in and after specific stressful situation), be assertive, reframe : look for what you can appreciate in yourself

The behaviour cycle

For every person, behaviour is driven by their emotions and feelings, and by their thoughts and beliefs. One cannot act unless one has premises on which to initiate

Glass of water

A trainer walked around a room. As she did so, she raised a glass of water. Everyone expected they'd be asked the old "half empty or half full?" question. Instead,

What emotional intelligence is not

EI is values-neutral and it isn’t about controlling others’ emotions.

Seeing the light

I’d been working with Mike and his business for some time. One morning, we were talking about his five year plan and his strategy to meet the targets in the plan.

Personal goals

In this video, Jeremy Marchant talks about how an emotionally intelligent approach can help us reach our personal goals.

Stop it!

Bob Newhart's classic (in every sense of the word) sketch reveals a few truths

Stretch—don’t stress

It is a natural behavioural strategy to avoid situations which are stressful or have the potential to be stressful.

Influencing others

To help us understand how to be more influential it’s useful to understand what generates our and others’ behaviour.

New year’s resolutions all year round

Why not make a resolution now to do something differently or better or new in the New Year (or any other time)?

How one client got out of his own way

In this video, Jeremy Marchant tells a powerful story about a client who had to accept that holding on to an issue was holding him back in his business.

What is emotional intelligence?

In this video, Jeremy Marchant argues that emotional intelligence is about understanding that our behaviour is driven by our emotions and our beliefs.

The tiger and the strawberry

One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger.

The atheist and the bear

An atheist was walking through the woods. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a seven foot grizzly bear

Assertiveness

Being assertive means respecting yourself and other people; seeing people as equal to you, not better than you or less important than you.

Balance is what you believe it is

An emotional intelligence approach to work/life balance

Woodcutter

Simon was good at one thing: chopping down trees. So, off he went, his axe over his shoulder, in search of work.

Washing up

Two monks worked in the kitchen of a large monastery.

Perfection

A priest was in charge of the garden within a famous Zen temple. One day, the priest was expecting some special guests, and so he took extra care in tending to the garden.

Too busy

Daisy impressed me by the diligence she put into ensuring that her staff got the training they needed. Eventually, I turned to her and said, “So who trains you, Daisy?”

High anxiety

Jack had one problem. If things went well on the client site, and he was able to fix the problem, he had no problem. But if he arrived and, after a period of time, couldn’t

Mentoring

Mentoring can be a highly effective way for people to develop in their jobs, whether managers or not. But...

The monks and the lady of the night

Two travelling monks reached a ford in a river where they met a young lady of the night

Maybe

There was an old man who had farmed his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away.

Concentration

A young and rather boastful champion challenged a Zen master who was renowned for his skill as an archer.

Personal growth

Further reading