» Relationships at work

If you were to boil down the emotional intelligence at work ethos to one word, that word would be: relationships.

The core exposition of relationships at work is carried in these articles:

> Stages of a work relationship—summary
> Stages of a work relationship—introduction
> Stages 1 and 2: honeymoon and power struggle
> Stage 3: dead zone
> Stages 4 and 5: partnership and leadership

Relationships

Dolls

Elsie had a tempestuous childhood relationship with her sister and this troubled her well into her adult life.

«Network better»: the programme

The programme will enable attenders to hugely raise their game in business networking and referral marketing.

On being a parent : on being a child—3

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. David Sedaris

On women and men—2

Camille Paglia seems to be the feminist who most annoys other feminists. Yet I cannot see much other than wisdom in what she writes.

A short piece about the «facilitating environment»

Creating a “facilitating environment” is a key component of leadership. And, as I suggest leadership is an approach, an attitude, rather than a job description, it is

Stress and work

A major issue with businesses is the extent to which stress felt by people in the business is created by the circumstances of the business and in the business. This is a

On being a parent : on being a child—2

We were all children once. How we were brought up has affected, irretrievably, how we are now. It would be foolish to overlook the parallels that can be drawn between

Being metaphysical

The 'metaphysical poets' have a reputation for being difficult. And they are. However the metaphysical poets, amongst whom Donne and Marvell stand tall, can use language in

A (very) short piece about the stages of a work relationship

The five stages of a business relationship

A short piece about intention

Having previously said that I don’t recommend having expectations, it may seem perverse that I am suggesting that intentions are fine. But these really aren’t the same thing.

A short piece about judgement

When we judge someone we apply a label to them that is very hard for them to remove. Our judgments are often ill informed—or at least under-informed—and we naturally fill in

Anger

We get angry—for example, if a stranger attacks my child—and it is a visceral, instinctive response. If I am still angry about the situation two hours later, or two years

The Parent-Adult-Child model: the basics

the psychologist Eric Berne developed the idea that people can switch between different states of mind—sometimes in the same conversation and certainly in different parts of

Perception is projection

Perception and projection are two psychological processes. They are values-neutral, neither good nor bad in themselves. We repress stuff in our minds which we find hard to

Judgement

When we judge someone we apply a label to them that it is virtually impossible for them to remove. If we judge someone to be a poor manager then we will interpret everything

Projection

Projection is a basic psychological mechanism which human beings deploy all the time, albeit unconsciously. Projection is universal. For example, we project our values onto

A short piece about anger

We get angry—for example, if a stranger attacks my child—and it is a visceral, instinctive response. If I am still angry about the situation two hours later, or two years

Resistance

To handle resistance to your ideas and influence during negotiation, you will first need to know why there is an objection. Typically, people object or resist because they:

A short piece about being assertive

Being assertive means respecting yourself and other people; seeing people as equal to you, not better than you or less important than you. The goal of assertive behaviour is

On love

... thirteen quotations

Building rapport—1

Rapport is the ability to relate to others in a positive and constructive way which emphasises the humanity and ‘otherness’ of other people.

A short piece about how we process information

In 1928, Carl Jung identified that people receive and process information in four ways: thinking, feeling, intuition (which I refer to as ‘knowing’ because that’s the word

Saying ‘no’: 13 tips

Sometimes you have to be able to say 'no' and not leave yourself open to influence or manipulation. When we just take on everything thrown at us, our bosses and colleagues

Behavioural flexibility

Sometimes we get on instantly with another person, sometimes there’s a clash. The clash arises because one or both people have insufficiently considered the needs of the other.

Noticing body language: 14 tips

Humans are the only animals to communicate using words. The rest of the animal kingdom manages very well with non-verbal signals. Your body language releases lots of subtle

A short piece about disputes

The problem with disputes in relationships is that they are never about what the people in dispute think the dispute is about.

Stages of personal development—2 Stage 1: Dependence

The first stage of our model of personal development is dependence. Like the other stages, this stage has three steps and this article is about them. The dependence stage is

How to transform a relationship in twenty minutes

The client of a colleague reported difficulty being a parent to his middle child. The child was clearly unhappy. The father was unhappy because he did not know what to do

Dispute resolution

If two people are in a dispute, the problem is never the thing the dispute is about, the problem is that they are having a dispute. Disputes are just a particular type of conflict.

Stages of personal development—1 The basics

The emotional intelligence at work model is complex. Let’s start with the basic, underlying principles.

On women and men

"If you wish women to love you, be original; I know a man who used to wear felt boots summer and winter, and women fell in love with him." Chekhov

Stages of a work relationship—summary

emotional intelligence at work uses a model that postulates that business (and all other) relationships go through five stages.

How to ask open questions confidently

I was asked on LinkedIn how less sure and less experienced coaches could increase their confidence to ask the most useful questions which can often be the hardest to ask (and

Thirty tips for dealing with difficult people

Attitude, make the other person more important than you, communicate, don’t judge them, don’t turn it into a fight, see every attack as a cry for help

Thirty tips for handling stress

Emotionally intelligent techniques: reactive (in and after specific stressful situation), be assertive, reframe : look for what you can appreciate in yourself

What emotional intelligence is not

EI is values-neutral and it isn’t about controlling others’ emotions.

Stages of a work relationship—introduction

‘Businesses are just people’. Of course, this isn't to belittle people...

Contact

From Woody Allen's film Stardust memories with Charlotte Rampling.

Stages of a work relationship—4 and 5

Relationships go through a number of stages, of which partnership and leadership are the fourth and fifth.

Stages of a work relationship—3

Relationships go through a number of stages, of which the third, dead zone, is covered here.

Stages of a work relationship—1 and 2

Relationships go through a number of stages, the first two of which are honeymoon and power struggle.

Jumping the queue

A journalist is standing with other commuters in a long, snaking line for a bus, when a smartly dressed businessman blatantly cuts into the queue line behind him...

Relationships at work

Further reading