» Hearts and flowers

… from emotional intelligence at work

Newsletter 50 : 14 february 2011

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Greetings
Welcome to the fiftieth edition of our newsletter which commemorates St Valentine’s day. This time we thought it was appropriate to run through the five stages of a relationship – do read to the happy ending.

You’ve received it because either you requested it (extra thanks!) or Kay or Jeremy have met you on our travels.
We offer a change from other newsletters which do demand an awful lot of reading, and hope you will find it diverting.
We aim to publish once every two weeks, but sometimes the flesh is weak even as the spirit is willing.

The stages of a relationship

Kay and Jeremy are trained in the principles of Psychology of Vision, which emphasises the primacy of relationships in personal development.

1 Honeymoon stage

I bet this brings a smirk to the lips – and not just to the women. Wouldn’t it be great if our relationships always stayed like this? (dur 3:02)

A deserved 60 [now 80] million hits. What I like about this is the amount of rehearsal it must have taken. Such commitment. Let’s hope it lasted. (dur 5:10)

A man’s wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.
George Jean Nathan, American journalist, b 14 February 1882

2 Power struggle stage

Where did it all go wrong? We’re sure that many couple split up (whether or not married) because they don’t see that the disputes in a relationship are essential structural components of it. This Guardian article tells some stories of how it can go wrong.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Jack Benny, entertainer, b 14 February 1894

3 Dead zone stage

Why relationships become boring and how to spice them up! [This page is now unavailable. I will find a replacement.]

4 Partnership stage

Beyond the power struggle and dead zone stages lie the stages of partnership and leadership. This is where we can get to. Here are ten tips on successful partnership from Susan Campbell. These apply as much to the people we work with as to our personal relationships.

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness.
Lao Tzu, Chinese taoist philosopher, 600 BC-531 BC

5 Leadership stage

How to wear the trousers ‘nicely’. This is an overview which explains why we always say that leadership is an essential part of successful personal relationships, as well as in business.

The wonderful Mary Chapin Carpenter‘s hymn to making the other person more important than you (dur 5:19)

Workshop of the week: Relationship matters

From Jeff Allen and Sue Allen of Psychology of Vision. 18-20 February 2011. Bristol

Our relationships matter because they make all the difference to whether we feel good about life or not. They are the centrepoint of our lives, they offer our fastest way to grow, and they can be our biggest pitfalls. On this workshop you will:

discover how our relationships (or lack of them) are a mirror for us
learn how they point to our healing and our gifts
find out how we can change so that our lives (and loves) move in the direction we want
experience the dynamics of partnership that are the dynamics of success.

All contributions welcome.

If you have been, thank you for reading.
Kay and Jeremy